The Reason Why
by siriusly lupine
Summary: A bit songficish...idea based on lyrics from 'Unfaithful' by Rihanna. Hermione is in love with a man who is not her boyfriend. She knows that cheating is wrong, and she doesn't want to hurt her boyfriend, but she cannot help how she feels. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:**** I claim no ownership of the HP-verse...nor do I own the tune, words, or ideas behind the song "Unfaithful". The lyrics were obtained from several song lyrics website, so any mistakes are not intended...if you are interested in the lyrics for the entire song, I suggest you look up one of those sites. **

**Okay, before you say anything, I am just going to say this: I am feeling like MOTN is a tad too...well, it just requires more thought and emotion than I have at the mo', so I'm avoiding it for now... I will get back to it as soon as my mood is in the right place, probably starting next month.**

**Anyway...**

**This is a one-shot – inspired by Rihanna's song "Unfaithful"**

**The idea for this lil' fic struck me a few hours after hearing the song...it reminded me of a lil' plot bunny I had a while ago before I started writing MOTN, and I just thought that I should get this out there before I ended up letting it haunt me like I did the other one...someday, I may just write that other plot bunny into action...maybe...someday...if only to get it to stop haunting me...**

**Anyway, some info...**

**This will seem a Harry/Hermione thing – which it kinda is, at first...if you follow the lyrics before or while you read, you will understand what I mean by 'at first'...but really, it's more of a Remus/Hermione thing...**

**Now, when I was first struck by this idea, I was set on making it Ron/Mione, but then I realized that I already have one where Mione is with Ron, so I figured I'd go with Harry on this...then, I thought about who the _other_ guy should be – Sirius or Remus – you should know, though, that my thoughts on this were that if I went with Harry, then I would go with Remus as the _other_ guy – it just seemed like Sirius would be _too close_, ya know? **

**Okay, well, let's get to the good stuff...**

**xxx**

**The Reason Why**

_**I feel it in the air**_

_**As I'm doing my hair**_

_**Preparing for another day**_

_**A kiss up on my cheek**_

_**He's here reluctantly**_

_**As if I'm gonna be out late**_

_**I say I won't be long**_

_**Just hanging with the girls**_

_**A lie I didn't have to tell**_

_**Because we both know **_

_**Where I'm about to go**_

_**And we know it very well**_

I am standing in front of the mirror as I work a bit of Sleekeazy's through my curly tresses. I would prefer to wear my untameable mop of hair up in a bun or something, but tonight is different. I need to look smart. I _want_ to look smart.

I let the potion soak its way into my coarse hair before I tug the relentless curls straight. I charm my flat brush to be quite hot before I gently run it through my hair – it helps to straighten the locks. It takes nearly all of half an hour before my hair is at all the way I hoped it would turn out.

After my hair is finished, I start on my make-up. I use glamour charms on what I can and use muggle products for the rest. It takes me only ten minutes to get my make-up the way I want it – not too tart-like, yet not too natural.

I glance at my reflection once more, taking stock of my appearance, and I feel quite satisfied.

I walk out of the loo and into my closet. I picked out something to wear earlier, to save time and any last minute rushing around, of course. I dress myself in the smart skirt and fitted blouse that I chose. It is late spring in London, so I forgo the tights and merely slip my heeled sandals on my bare feet.

I painted my toenails a feminine light pink a few days ago and I am eager to show them off. I know that _he_ will appreciate the effort.

Once I am dressed, I walk back to the loo to take stock of the finished product. As I stand in front of the full length mirror that is attached to the back of the other door, I see another's reflection behind me in the mirror. I turn to see Harry leaning against the door frame.

He is looking at me with a forced smile and cloudy eyes.

"I'm going out with the girls from work. I won't be out late, I promise," I say cheerfully. A little too cheerfully for the situation, I'm sure.

Harry nods before he steps forward and places a gentle kiss on my cheek. As he turns away, I watch his forced smile become more of a grimace before he can mask it.

I know that he knows I'm not going out with the girls.

I know that he knows I won't be home early.

I know that he knows I am unfaithful to him.

Yet, he says nothing.

And, I just cannot bring myself to care.

Well, no, that's not true.

I care. Really, I do.

I know that it kills him to know that I am happier with some other man, some man that is not him, _the_ Harry Potter, saviour of the wizarding world.

I know that I am hurting him beyond measure by being unfaithful.

I know this, and I feel like a completely arse for causing him such pain, but I do nothing to stop it.

As I grab my jacket, I glance at Harry as he sits on the settee in front of the telly. He is watching a muggle sports game – football or rugby or something– and I can see that his eyes are glassy.

I swallow my guilt and call out a quick goodbye as I exit the flat.

XXX

"Dinner was delicious, Remus. I don't think that I have ever had anything so brilliant," I say as I smile lovingly at the man sitting across from me.

Remus gently grasps my hand and proceeds to trace pattens on the back of it with his long, slender fingers. "I am glad that you enjoyed it, love. Sirius recommended this place, and I would have to agree that it is truly worthy of all the hype."

We sit there gazing at each other as the main dishes are cleared away by the very attentive wait staff. The restaurant is quite classy – more so than any of the places that we have been to before – and there is a rather large dance floor in the centre of the dining area with a classical band playing beautiful tunes.

After Remus orders some delicate dessert, he turns to me with an adorably youthful look on his face. A lock of hair is hanging in his eye and he is grinning lop-sidedly at me. Merlin, he is the epitome of sexy...

"May I have this dance, lovely lady?" Remus asks as he presses his lips to the back of my hand.

"You certainly may, dear sir."

He holds me close as we waltz and I know in my heart that there is nowhere else I would rather be. The dance is over before I know it and we are sitting at the table once again.

The dessert that Remus ordered is delicious as we feed it to each other. It is some kind of chocolate mousse thing that I can't be bothered to ask about as he places a fork full against my lips.

Too soon, we are leaving the restaurant.

"Would you like to come back to my place for some tea?" Remus asks as we walk hand in hand.

We both know that there will be no tea involved, but I already know my answer, as I have been waiting for this part of the 'date' all evening, and I barely spare a thought for Harry as I say yes.

XXX

_**And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful**_

_**And it kills him inside**_

_**To know that I am happy with some other guy**_

_**I can see him dying inside**_

A few weeks later, I am standing in front of the mirror in the loo, checking my appearance. I decide to let my hair flow in its naturally curly state and my make-up is more natural as well. I feel Harry's presence behind me as I straighten my shirt and I look up at his reflection in the mirror.

He is looking at me with that forced smile like he always does during times like this.

"Going out with the girls from work again?" Harry asks.

I smile and nod in response as I tuck an errant curl behind my ear. My smile falters at his next question.

"How come you never invite Ginny out during these 'girls nights'? I mean, you work together, but she never goes out with you."

I was afraid that he would realize that little tidbit and use it against me. If I am honest with myself, I'm surprised that this is the first time he's brought it up.

Damn! How do I explain that?

"I don't know, Harry. Honestly, I never do the inviting, I am just one of the invited. Perhaps, one of the other girls doesn't like Ginny much or something. Why does it matter?"

I know why it matters. I know that Harry knows why it matters. And I know that this is his way of letting me know, of trying to get me to stop.

I just...I just can't deal with him right now, so I quickly finish my primping and leave the loo. As I grab my jacket, Harry calls out to me.

"I'm going to Ron's for the night. I'll see you in the morning or something. Have fun with the _girls_."

His emphasis on _girls_ is unmistakable, but he is gone before I can reply and I am left feeling like shit.

I do not want to do this any more.

I do not want to continue hurting him like this while I go out and have a great time with some other man. With some other guy that happens to be one of my boyfriend's godfather's best friends. Remus is practically part of Harry's family and I just have to be shagging him behind Harry's back.

Worse than that, I have to be loving him behind Harry's back.

This has to end. I just cannot do this any more.

XXX

"Well, what do you want to do about it, love?" Remus asks me as we sit on a bench in the park near his house.

I told him about what Harry said to me before I left the flat and about what I am feeling regarding the situation.

"I don't know, Remus. I just know that I do not want to keep hurting Harry like this," I reply earnestly.

Honestly, I really have no idea what I want to do...I mean, I really have only three options. One, leave Harry and be with Remus. Two, leave Remus and be with Harry. Three, leave them both and be all alone.

The question is which of the three options would allow me to be the happiest I can be?

The answer hits me as if I knew it all along – I want to be with Remus.

As I am thinking about how to break things off with Harry, I vaguely hear Remus talking.

"Perhaps I ought to back off for a bit, let you have some breathing room so that you can figure things out. I don't want to be in the way if you end up working things out with Harry."

Wait just a minute. Did he just say what I think he just said?

"I'm sorry, Remus, what did you just say?" I ask incredulously.

He repeats what he said word for word and I stare at him with wide-eyes.

"You want to end things?" I ask meekly.

"No. No, I don't want to end things, Mione. I just want to give you the space to figure things out," he says evenly as he shakes his head.

I take a moment to breathe deeply before I speak. "But I don't need to figure things out. I was just thinking about it and I know now what I want. I want to be with you. I have always wanted to be with you."

And it's true. I have wanted to be with Remus since I was first attracted to him in that way in my sixth year. Unfortunately, I was too young, and he was much too involved with Tonks, at the time.

When his relationship with Tonks fizzled out, I still wanted him, but by that time, I had already started seeing Harry. I had feelings for Harry since about the end of my seventh year and I was thrilled when he finally got around to asking me out a few years later.

Those feelings, though, were nothing compared to the ones I had for Remus. I would have left Harry straight away if Remus hadn't pushed me away for the first year after he stopped seeing Tonks. After a while, I just gave up on Remus, thinking that it would never happen, and I devoted myself to Harry.

It was not until months after I moved in with Harry that Remus finally came around. He approached me at some party that the Weasley's were hosting and I tried to tell him that it was too late, that I was happy with Harry, but we both knew that it was a untrue. I caved in not long after that.

I am roused from my thoughts when Remus leans closer to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders. "I was hoping that you would say that," he whispers into my hair. "I did not want to back off, Mione, but I would if it was what you wanted."

XXX

A week later, I am standing in my closet picking out clothes to wear. I settle on a pair of fitted jeans and a soft blue shirt. I dress myself quickly and check my appearance in the mirror.

I have to meet Remus in an hour, but I wanted to get ready early so that I could talk to Harry...or, at least, try to talk to Harry.

I have chickened out the past three times I've tried. Hopefully, this time I will stay strong. What is all that Gryffindor bravery good for if it is never there when I truly need it.

I stand in the doorway leading from our room into the living area and watch Harry as he sits on the settee.

He looks sad and broken as he stares at the telly and the lyrics to a song I heard recently run through my mind. I sing the words quietly as I continue to watch the man whose heart I am going to break in moments...whose heart I have already broken repeatedly for the past year.

_**I don't wanna do this any more**_

_**I don't wanna be the reason why**_

_**Every time I walk out the door**_

_**I see him die a little more inside**_

_**I don't wanna hurt him any more**_

_**I don't wanna take away his life**_

_**I don't wanna be...**_

_**A murderer.**_

As the last word passes my lips, I stand up straight and step forward toward where he is sitting. I square my shoulders and take a deep breath to prepare myself for what I am about to do.

"Harry, we need to talk..."

XXX

**I was torn on whether to take it further or not, but I decided to just leave it there...you can draw your own conclusions on just how Hermione handles _the talk_...**

**I never thought that I would be able to do these one-shot things, but I am finding that I quite like them – no pressure on making them long, drawn out fics, but you can expand on them if you want. I can definitely understand why people would write only one-shots.**


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